Writing - Adding Details: The boy ran to the finish line.

Room 1 has been learning to focus on one idea and make it sound really interesting.

They were given the story "The boy ran to the finish line." Their challenge was to rewrite the same story but make it sound more interesting to the reader.

The class decided it would be more interesting if they used adjectives and similes. They thought it could do with more details like; how the boy looked, what his body was doing, how he felt, what he heard and what he saw.

Here are some of the new and improved stories. Do you think they sound more interesting?

The speedy, fast boy ran to the white flapping flag. He was limping and he felt tired because he had such a long race. He was puffed. He had spiky hair and red cheeks as red as a rose. He is fit. His body was wobbling like jelly when he was finished. - Ella

The little boy staggered across the white finish line. He was so proud of himself. He badly wanted to win a prize. Lots of people cheered for him. His legs shaked (shook) because when he stood on the ground he stomped. - Tessa

The speedy boy darted to the shiny, white finish line. Everyone cheered for the boy as he zipped past them. He was so fast that he past everyone and won the race.
- Daniel

The speedy boy who ran as fast as a cheetah raced to the finish line and he got a prize! He got a bag of lollipops. Was he fit? Yes he was! People cheered for the boy who was racing. - Harlyn